These hieroglyphs - weird combinations of eyes, owls, lions and other mysterious symbols - have for many centuries been suspected to contain hidden knowledge: the Lost Secrets of the Pharoahs.
Translations of these old texts have now revealed that they do indeed contain facts that the pharoahs would wish no one else to know...because they were ashamed of them.
These are the Guilty Secrets of the Pharaohs: things they needed to get off their chests before they entered the after-life. Bad things that had been troubling them, often since they were kids.
Guilty secrets that have come to light so far:
Threw Xerxes' school bag in the Nile, claimed it had been snatched by crocodiles.
Told everybody that Amenhotep the First's name translated as 'He who smells of camel dung'. This was not true. It means 'He who smells of hippo dung.'
Scratched the words 'The sphinx stinx' on the sphinx one night when no one was looking. Also invented the joke, 'My sphinx's got no nose.' 'How does it smell?' 'Very faintly of sandstone.' For this he was walled-up alive in his own newly-finished pyramid by angry priests.
Wet the bed until the age of 19. Kept claiming his hot water bottle had a leak. After mummification and burial, was found to have wet his bandages. Twice.
Trained her swarm of pet locusts to attack every time Tutankhamun tried to open his lunchbox. As a result, Tutankhamun stopped eating salad and fresh fruit. This may have contributed to his early demise. Possibly.
Took the mickey out of pharoahs whose names didn't score as many points in Scrabble. Also repeatedly took the 'p' out of Ptolemy. Kept asking if he had 'ptummy ptrouble.'